Tuesday, April 29, 2008
This just might be the biggest epiphany I've had in awhile...I can't make anyone feel anything for me but I sure as hell can feel as much as I want for them...And its always a song which gives me my epiphanies...This time it was Exploder- Audioslave and how right this song is...
If you're free you'll never see the walls
If your head is clear you'll never freefall
If you're right you never fear the wrong
If your head is high you never fear at all
BYE.
7:05 PM
Monday, April 28, 2008
People... From the light of a sincere smile to the gut punch of apathy. I know I sound arrogant and pompous when I say this but, when it comes to people? I’m as sure as the sun shines and as right as rain. It’s a pretentious cliché but its true; that’s why alot of the time I refuse to give an honest opinion on anyone because I don’t like hurting people, I don’t like disappointing people and I definitely don’t like embarrassing people. There are some who say “I believe in this” and ” would never do that” but they are acting and essentially being the things they claim not to be. Ignorant, cold and down right soul crushing to name a few things. The truth is one cold hard bitch. Dammit, it’s my fault. I’m the one who doesn’t deal or face my problems because I feel it’s not my place to force anyone to deal with me and my insecurities, all these people who think I’m just some false regret…I neglect the problem, distract myself but it festers…It rots, it decays but then it spreads till it corrupts the very way I feel, look and act…Suddenly I’m as distant, cold and uncaring as the people I most probably hate by now. Just looking at the state I’m in, bent and broken; I’m pathetic…I don’t believe in universal truths anymore, I just force myself to be happy for everyone else because I can’t hear another “What’s wrong?” or “Are you okay?” I don’t know the answer myself. Think I’ll go back to being the absentee and let the few people left that might want me around come look for me; the same people who aren’t afraid to care…Those who still have the strength to care…I think of turning back to the bottle almost constantly, its all too tempting when escapism barely costs 10 bucks, it even comes chilled and flavoured…A slap in the face for those of us who escape our stormy minds the old fashion way…By facing those ghost and shadows in our grey, rain soaked thoughts; but I won’t drink because its stereotypical and I’d rather feel the pain and helplessness of my heart being strangled than feel nothing. So much for being careful, I guess my heart is more punching bag than fragile crystal…That thought is slightly more comforting than I’d like to admit, since I will never have to admit to ever having my heart truly broken by someone…Today really cut to the bone but the truth gave way to consequence…I thought I’d feel numb, thought I wouldn’t care but it hurts more now than when I forced myself to pull away, looks like my heart was at the same place it was all that time ago…No, my front will be as good as ever, maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to put on a better show…If I can’t be happy, I can at least try and make everyone else happy. Every single line I write aches with the meaning I’d never be able to put in words…Words with meaning only to me, everything is out of reach…I think I’ll just fall, fall until I fall asleep...
BYE.
7:30 PM
Friday, April 18, 2008
Random it seems… 7 Random facts about me: 1) I AM extremely random 2) I like stoning at anything that’s liquid…anything 3) I’ve started mixing different types of drinks ever since I quit drinking (Cokelime+Icecream Soda= Unbrieverbres) 4) I notice everything and almost never forget, though I’ll pretend I did whenever I’m caught 5) I love listening to people talk 6) I hate to have to talk to entertain people 7) I bleed a lot 7 Thing that could possibly scare me: 1) Someone throwing me a surprise anything 2) Flying/Stinging insects 3) Anything happening to my pets, friends or family 4) Me hurting someone’s feelings 5) Maybe getting drunk again, that’ll be really scary considering what happened last time 6) Getting electrocuted sucks, guess that’ll be scary 7) Letting people down 7 random music (as if anyone would know) 1) I remember – Damien Rice 2) Stranger Things Have Happened - The Foo Fighters 3) Something’s Not Right Here – Onerepublic 4) Your Love Is A Lie – Simple Plan 5) Truth or Consequence – Eighteen Visions 6) Tonight – Hard-Fi 7) 3 Libras – A Perfect Circle 7 Things I Say The Most: 1) Dammit 2) Fuckin ell 3) Duuuuude (in a very disapproving tone) 4) Fuck off 5) Ahhh, Bollocks (as in balls, as in testicles…you get the idea) 6) Ahh maaaan 7) Unbrieverbres!!!! (its spelt and pronounced wrongly on purpose) I know, I’m a vulgar animal, but that’s that…Whoohooo!...Tmr's time for SPCA! Fuck yeah!
BYE.
10:50 PM
Sunday, April 6, 2008
School+Starting= Suck....Well, aleast I know some people in my class; just hope I can do well enough to pick my grades up at the end...I'm thinkin skipping so many classes was a mistake, it almost stings to think I coulda done better just by coming more often to school...I shall overcome, damn it I will..No matter what; my anchor and strength will be my surrogate kids at the SPCA...The screw-ups, the abused, the unwanted, the wounded and the damaged will always have a special place in my heart...I know I won't be able to wait to see them every wednesday and saturday...
Dear old sacha, shes like my daughter cause shes just that much more sweeter with me than with anyone else...She looks crazy here cause shes a little excited to see me
Vodka is just one of the cutest dogs I've ever met, you can get diabetic hanging around her
Took me 3 weeks for Darren to let me near him but it was worth it, he's even got this habit of putting his paw on your arm or shoulder
Kiko hates strangers, especially dudes but he took to me pretty quickly for some reason
Thomas is one of the most friendliest cats there, hes got this habit of staring at you when you stop petting him
BYE.
2:39 AM