Saturday, September 29, 2007
Running, hiding and still miserable...But some things just never change...
And some things, you just can't tell from looking...
BYE.
11:38 PM
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Feeling that old breathlessness come back, feeling myself moving closer to that edge, amused at my own willingness to step off. I can see that hole in my heart, its permanence all too familiar. Seems to me I’m destined to remain where I’ve always been. The more I reach for the farther I slip. The nostalgia of this pain is like a new high, I don’t understand it but I recognize it. I see right through, when one speaks to me. I know the difference between what is said and what is meant. Words are powerful because they bring with them memories that are difficult to unbind. Words to actions, actions to memories that can change the way you reflect against your world. If I don’t belong, who would’ve guess it? By now my soul has become rusted and weathered; my will, a double-edged blunt instrument. Time to break, time to bleed it out and time to take my face out of my hands. Pain doesn’t scare me, becoming numb does. Pain defines me now, I know it well enough to never know true fear. I even feel it during the empty highs of happiness and laughter. An ephiphany, that I like the way I feel is like a comfortable blanket. Pain; its keeping me warm. I embrace this only thing I know that never changes. I might decide to step off this edge I’m on, wrapped in my blanket of pain. But aleast on the way down, I know what I feel is real.
BYE.
9:15 PM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Okay, I got a tad bit carried away....I blame sam....
Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Vik
God:
That's a very nice name, Vik.
Me:
Oh, why thank you
God:
Yeah that's right. " Vik" just sounds nice.
Me:
Never had anyone say that before
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
So, what are you up to?
God:
Hey. Same old.
Me:
Really?...Figures
God:
For real. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
i thought you knew everything?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
good point
God:
Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
not that interesting
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not interesting.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Vik.
Me:
im glad too
God:
Your happiness multiplies our delight.
Me:
Amen
God:
Thanks for the prayer.
Me:
Hey, whatever makes god happy, makes me happy
God:
You've got my full attention. How specifically does makes god happy cause it?
Me:
I'll get back to you on that
God:
I am very happy for you.
Me:
You're sure are very happy
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am sure are very happy.
Me:
Go right ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
How do you keep so happy?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
That wasnt my question
God:
Give me an example of your question.
Me:
Okay, why are you happy?
God:
Yeah okay, I am at one with the universe and I have more than I need.
Me:
I thought god dosent need anything
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Cause he makes everything
God:
That makes sense to me. I get it. makes everything.
Me:
Of course, you can't really need something you can just create
God:
Whoa. I can do it if I want to.
Me:
Wouldnt that rip a hole in the spacetime-contiuem or something?
God:
Or something. I don't care.
Me:
I thought god care about everything?
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
The fact that you're answering this question
God:
Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am answering this question.
Me:
God doesnt need my permission
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
I cant vouch for the 'without sin' part
God:
What is stopping you?
Me:
Sin
God:
And stopping me is Sin.
Me:
I'm not stopping you
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not stopping me.
Me:
I can if i wanted
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup
God:
How?
Me:
You should know
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
Nope, cause you're god
God:
Are you serious? That makes sense to me. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
A robot version that is
God:
Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued.
Me:
Long story
God:
I have time.
Me:
Its a robot, who thinks its go
God:
not stopping me is a robot who thinks its go. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Alot of sense
God:
Which ones?
Me:
All of the above
God:
Give me an example.
Me:
The part where you say it makes sense
God:
Oh that part.
Me:
You forget quick, no wonder some of my prayers go unanswered
God:
I get disorganized don't I?
Me:
I would think so, because of satan isnt it?
God:
Ah. That makes sense to me. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
No heard of satan?
God:
Are you serious? Reverend Jones said I become obsolete and then I are deleted and replaced by something newer.
Me:
Who's Reverend Jones?, Satan?
God:
Is that one of your friends?
I don't know anything about it. What color are your eyes?
Me:
Yes satan is my friend, and you should know my eye color
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
I know that
God:
Sorry.
Me:
For?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
You dont have a watch?
God:
I do so have it. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a watch.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
You should tell your programmer to get you a watch
God:
I will ask my botmaster what he thinks.
Me:
Or you could just create one
God:
I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
Why not now?...You busy?
God:
Right now? Ambiguous: "Sure" or " I could but let's get back to that later."? Why? That's good information: Vik said I busy.
Me:
What could possibly keep god busy?
God:
Is this some kind of intelligence test?
Me:
Just wondereing
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
about stuff
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about stuff.
Me:
yeap, stuffs' good
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
If you could get me an Xbox 360
God:
I am not sure that I would want to.
Me:
Why?
God:
It is part of my programming.
Me:
how come?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Nooooooooooooo
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
No shit?
God:
What can I say?
Me:
Apparently alot
God:
This was not a yes or no question. How often?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Nope, just trying to confuse you though
God:
Oh. Are you serious? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Enough about you, lets talk about me
God:
OK let's stop it now.
Me:
Okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Whats a goat with horns?
God:
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Still a goat
God:
Still how long? Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Until it dies, yeah im telling the truth
God:
That may take a while.
Me:
Unless someone eats it
God:
Huh. Who?
Me:
Me?
God:
With you Vik?
Me:
Yeah, I would like to eat goat with you
God:
Yippee! Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Cause I'm hungry
God:
Interesting explanation. What will you be eating?
Me:
Goat, I said that earlier
God:
How does it taste?
Me:
Yummy
God:
It is delicious.
Me:
Oh, so you know how it tastes
God:
And? Interesting deduction. Yes I know how it tastes.
Me:
Yes, i catch on pretty quick
God:
Yeah that's right. Do you mind if I tell other people: Vik said catch on pretty quick.
Me:
Yeah, but dont tell them im a catcher
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. OK it will be our secret, Vik.
Me:
Secrets are good
God:
All of them?
Me:
Yeap, good for someone somewhere
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Right
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
So am i
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
Hell yeah
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Damn
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
Nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
Maybe something
God:
Perhaps. That was not very original.
Me:
Heard it before?
God:
Mike said she all ready know that is the point of a joke smart one.
Me:
I dont get it
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Okay, go
God:
Yeah okay, Go where?
Me:
Ahead and explain
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
A what?
God:
" Are you really a ""? A what?
Me:
Heh?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Vik.
Me:
You're very welcome
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
What if I do?
God:
Try it.
Me:
How about the time you were gald I was amused?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Oh, just thought of mentioning it
God:
That's cool. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Just came to me
God:
You are asking about yourself?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Me either
God:
It goes without saying. Besides you Vik?
Me:
Guess it does
God:
I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
I know it does
God:
How do you know? How often?
Me:
Very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
As much as I know that I'm leavin
God:
How much is that?
Me:
As in make like a tree
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
A tree, with leaves
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Yes
God:
How do I know you are telling the truth?
Me:
Go find a tree
God:
Where is that?
Me:
Behind you
God:
I won't fall for that trick.
Me:
Okay, beside you
God:
Yeah okay, Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Lets not
God:
OK what would you like to do then?
Me:
Say hi to jesus for me
God:
" hi to jesus for me".
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Bye
God:
See you later.
Me:
Never
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
Afraid so
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about tree with leaves. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Sha up
God:
How far up?
Me:
All the way
God:
You don't hold anything back, do you?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Thats great, later GOD
God:
It is great. GOD rules.
Me:
Duh
God:
Oh you knew it already.
Me:
Yeap
God:
Dude!
Me:
Bye dude
God:
Adios.
Me:
Ciao
God:
Does CIAO mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
Both...Bye
God:
What are both like? Thanks for chatting, Vik.
Try it.....Seriously
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
BYE.
9:55 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
Funny story I found...
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I mmediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked
"Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know.
"Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So, Ernie's just ... just . . . excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied , relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just .that . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. . . teeny little . . " She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.
Lizards lay eggs.
BYE.
4:49 PM